I'm tempted to make this entry the "Discernment Diary: Post-Benfest Edition" post, but after all the kerfuffel and craziness (both organizational and spiritual!), I doubt I could really type something that could adequately describe the various goings-on of those two days. I did manage to write a bit in a private journal, so I'm content with knowing that I did everything my class obligates me to do. Ces't le vi.
I woke up at 7:50 or so today and didn't get to mass until the closing song...or rather, right before it, where a pro-life missionary from Crossroads was giving a quick talk. I couldn't believe that I didn't know they were coming beforehand...it happened to coincide with the parish sparechange/baby bottle collection fundraiser for WomenCare, so they picked a good day. Holy Spirit in action, anyone? I think so. I made sure to write a prayer intention or two in their prayer journal they use as they trek across America as pro-life witnesses. More spiritual support for priests and seminarians (including yours truly, O Lord!) incoming! And just in time for the year of the priest, too! w00t!
Coming back from retreat and Benfest left me without my usual access to internet, news commentary, video games, etc. I managed to catch up a bit on that this afternoon, but I deliberately held off on it until after I had spent the afternoon over at Luciano's to see 4 Months, 3 Weeks, and 2 Days, a Romanian film (and a critically lauded one at that!) that depicts...abortion. In retrospect, that was quite the "theme" of today for me. Shame I binged on pizza at the Ravenswood Catholic social after the 6:30 mass today...but I did get to chat with Kyle, and, as I told him I would, his blog is *officially* added to my blogroll. I will not lie in saying that I very much hope he does the same. MY worry? That he's the first St. Ben's parishioner to come across this blog. There's stuff in here about him and many others that...well, let's just say it's probably not the kind of stuff I'd say out loud outside of a fairly private setting. I do my best to keep this blog as if it WERE a diary (as impossible as that is both practically and "spiritually," for lack of a better term). The mission of this blog is as stated, and I hope it accomplishes just that. God Bless everyone who reads this blog, and, as Fr. Beaven said today in his homily, may it, like all things, work to bring God glory. AMEN!
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Food pantry was BUSY today! I'm surprised that I got out of there by 10 after 12! I though I'd be in there until 1 or later!
Lots of people at the pantry, too, most of whom area jobless and are looking for something to do. A few instances arose where my humility was tested, too, but obviosuly, that's all for the better. I managed to extend my holy hour a bit, too. All for the greater glory of God!
Bingo was particularly tiresome today. I fear that my "fast" prior to the retreat is demonstrating to others just how addicted I am to the comforts of life; I think I'm suffering withdrawal from games, the internet, news, something...maybe all three. It's strange, because I've gone without all three for long stretches of time before, without any noticeable "withdrawal" side-effects. It's especially strange considering all the extra sleep I got last night...or does that have something to do with it?
Dear Lord, may I always do what you want, when you want, because you want it. Grant me peace in doing this and everlasting joy as my eternal reward. May my retreat during the coming few days be filled with your abundant blessings. Through Christ, my Lord, AMEN!
Lots of people at the pantry, too, most of whom area jobless and are looking for something to do. A few instances arose where my humility was tested, too, but obviosuly, that's all for the better. I managed to extend my holy hour a bit, too. All for the greater glory of God!
Bingo was particularly tiresome today. I fear that my "fast" prior to the retreat is demonstrating to others just how addicted I am to the comforts of life; I think I'm suffering withdrawal from games, the internet, news, something...maybe all three. It's strange, because I've gone without all three for long stretches of time before, without any noticeable "withdrawal" side-effects. It's especially strange considering all the extra sleep I got last night...or does that have something to do with it?
Dear Lord, may I always do what you want, when you want, because you want it. Grant me peace in doing this and everlasting joy as my eternal reward. May my retreat during the coming few days be filled with your abundant blessings. Through Christ, my Lord, AMEN!
Monday, July 6, 2009
Monday, July 6, 2009
Benfest meeting tonight; there's no "calm before the storm" here, folks, that's for sure. I talked to Mrs. Marge this morning about the volunteer situation; she was confident that she had someone scheduled for nearly every shift. That is NOT the impression I got at tonight's meeting, and I'm only disappointed that I couldn't be of more help to Draydyne and the others whoare pulling their hair out trying to sort this out. Deacon Phil asked if I was learning anything (Fr. Beaven wasn't at the meeting tonight). I'm learning how to NOT freak out, NOT run meetings, and NOT stress (thanks Carla!). To top it off, Fr. Steve STILL isn't moved out of here yet. Incredible!
This morning I had a short talk with Fr. Beaven about the EMHCs purifying sacred vessels. This quickly led to him divulging his other opinions about liturgy and other church teachings (here's a hint, without being too calumnous: he's not all that "hardcore" about church teaching on burying people in the ground). At least Celeste was pleased to have actually made it to mass.
I made it to Gamestop AGAIN today; the wireless adapter is finally mine! Now, if only I could find time to set it up...not likely, given the situation of this week (retreat + Benfest). We'll see.
I spent most of the day working on my talk/presentation for the retreat, though I did manage to visit Mary Anne Kufner again. After all the meditation I did yesterday, I wasn't going to let this opportunity slide me by! Too many good things come out of these visits to simply neglect them!
I ate dinner alone at the rectory for the first time tonight. Anne made some great pasta, though, as always.
Dear Lord, help me to only do what You want and need me to do throughout the course of the day. Let me not become proud and arrogant over having accomplished many things throughout the day, but let my weakness be Your strength. Give me courage, grant me wisdom, and above all, bestow upon me a loving heart so that I may be that which You created me to be. AMEN!
This morning I had a short talk with Fr. Beaven about the EMHCs purifying sacred vessels. This quickly led to him divulging his other opinions about liturgy and other church teachings (here's a hint, without being too calumnous: he's not all that "hardcore" about church teaching on burying people in the ground). At least Celeste was pleased to have actually made it to mass.
I made it to Gamestop AGAIN today; the wireless adapter is finally mine! Now, if only I could find time to set it up...not likely, given the situation of this week (retreat + Benfest). We'll see.
I spent most of the day working on my talk/presentation for the retreat, though I did manage to visit Mary Anne Kufner again. After all the meditation I did yesterday, I wasn't going to let this opportunity slide me by! Too many good things come out of these visits to simply neglect them!
I ate dinner alone at the rectory for the first time tonight. Anne made some great pasta, though, as always.
Dear Lord, help me to only do what You want and need me to do throughout the course of the day. Let me not become proud and arrogant over having accomplished many things throughout the day, but let my weakness be Your strength. Give me courage, grant me wisdom, and above all, bestow upon me a loving heart so that I may be that which You created me to be. AMEN!
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Sunday, July 5, 2009
The usual Sunday rush, but a little less busy than what I've come to expect. Breakfast after the 8AM mass with Luciano, and a little bit of relaxing in the afternoon. I called my parents to talk a bit, and I also scheduled a communion visitation with Mary Anne Kufner again. St. Benedict, ora pro nobis!
The authentic struggle of human freedom ("not what I want, but what you want, oh Lord") became something of a vocal point in my meditation today. I think I should really give St. Benedict's writings a shot now; for all the talk I spout off about humility, one would think I'd bother to read the writings of the Saint whose rule for monastic life did more to elucidate the authentic meaning of humility than possibly any other Saint throughout history. I snagged a little biography of him from home a few weeks ago; after nearly finishing it today, I'm glad I did. Now if only I could emulate his life...THAT would be a boon to my vocation, that's for sure!
After last night's festivities at the Senior home demonstrated to me just how rewarding the "little things" we do really are. Instead of lounging around playing video games during the always-iminent downtime here at the rectory, why don't I say an extra rosary for the souls in purgatory? Why not start a fast of some sort to supplement my prayer diet during the hour of mercy? All of these things, if done correctly (with authentic humility - not the "do it because I'll fear better about myself if I do it" type of self-pity), foster a genuine realization that, as St. Paul said in today's second reading, that in our waekness in strength. We are only truly strong when we allow God to run our lives, even in (especially in!) the minute, little opportunities for sacrifice that appear in our day-to-day living. I only wish I had the gift necessarily to elucidate this; I think Fr. Beaven did a pretty good job of it in today's homily, though. Kudos to him!
Dear Lord, thank you for the gift of life. Never let me forget that this gift is always to be dedicated to your glory. Rather than seeking out ways to glorify myself, may I always recognize that Your grace is sufficient for all of the tasks that are appointed to me throughout the course of the day. My Mary, my mother and Your mother, intercede with all of the saints on my behalf in order that I may be brought ever closer to you. AMEN!
The authentic struggle of human freedom ("not what I want, but what you want, oh Lord") became something of a vocal point in my meditation today. I think I should really give St. Benedict's writings a shot now; for all the talk I spout off about humility, one would think I'd bother to read the writings of the Saint whose rule for monastic life did more to elucidate the authentic meaning of humility than possibly any other Saint throughout history. I snagged a little biography of him from home a few weeks ago; after nearly finishing it today, I'm glad I did. Now if only I could emulate his life...THAT would be a boon to my vocation, that's for sure!
After last night's festivities at the Senior home demonstrated to me just how rewarding the "little things" we do really are. Instead of lounging around playing video games during the always-iminent downtime here at the rectory, why don't I say an extra rosary for the souls in purgatory? Why not start a fast of some sort to supplement my prayer diet during the hour of mercy? All of these things, if done correctly (with authentic humility - not the "do it because I'll fear better about myself if I do it" type of self-pity), foster a genuine realization that, as St. Paul said in today's second reading, that in our waekness in strength. We are only truly strong when we allow God to run our lives, even in (especially in!) the minute, little opportunities for sacrifice that appear in our day-to-day living. I only wish I had the gift necessarily to elucidate this; I think Fr. Beaven did a pretty good job of it in today's homily, though. Kudos to him!
Dear Lord, thank you for the gift of life. Never let me forget that this gift is always to be dedicated to your glory. Rather than seeking out ways to glorify myself, may I always recognize that Your grace is sufficient for all of the tasks that are appointed to me throughout the course of the day. My Mary, my mother and Your mother, intercede with all of the saints on my behalf in order that I may be brought ever closer to you. AMEN!
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Saturday, July 4, 2009
St. Benedict had a little "Independence Day" mass at 9:00AM this morning; I butchered the psalm (and I mean REALLY butchered it), but everything else went pretty well. At least I didn't hear hardcore American Exceptionalism preached from the pulpit. In fact, I was surprised at how tasteful the liturgy was. If only the flags had been taken down for the 5:00PM mass later today...I just don't see the point in shoehorning this stuff into the liturgy. We have our liturgical calendar courtesy of the USCCB; why not, you know, USE IT? I realize why people WANT something like a "patriotic mass," but it's coming at the expense of the usual feast of the day. We don't need yet another reminder of the secular feast of the day during our sacred liturgy, do we? If anything, we need a reminder that there's something more important than what's happening outside amidst the fireworks and parades. Am I the only one who thinks this way?
Anyway, in between the masses today, I went to Gamestop, spent $100 on new games (for which, I will gladly admit, I am somewhat...uncomfortable. Am I so attached to video games that my relationship with Christ and my vocation is suffering? I can't help but think that I had to drag out the debit card rather than choose between two games means that the answer to this question is "yes.") To top it off, I forgot to inquire about the item I actually wanted to get from the store in the first place. It slipped my mind once I saw the games on sale! UGH!
I felt far more at ease, however, on my way back. An elderly woman asked for my help with her groceries. At least I was of some use to someone after that hideously gluttonous spending spree!
As a way of reminding myself of the temporality of this world and the futility of expending all my wants and "needs" in things like video games, I spent some time in prayer and spiritual reading in the afternoon. I found this conversion story, which I promptly forwarded to a friend who, I am sure, will absolutely love it. I also read a bit about St. Benedict and his struggles with "worldly" things; I was particularly struck by his insistence that one be careful that daily sufferings and hardships are not purposely sought out to increase one's pride; oftentimes I feel that I have some "alterior motive" in my daily fasting (as much as one can consider it "fasting," anyway) that fits more into the mold of the vice of pride than the virtue of humility. I still need to learn the difference between the redemptive suffering as described in the essay I linked to above (and as described by St. Benedict, among many other holy men and women) and the ego-driven self-esteem boosters I often find myself engaging in. I ask for as much spiritual assistance as possible in this endeavor! Readers: Please spare me any extra prayers you have! I NEED THEM!
5:00PM mass was interesting; Barb, from St. Bart's, was the cantor, and I had to e the "emergency substitute" Extraordinary Minster of the Eucharist today. I think I successfully dodged any possible sacrilege, so here's hoping God found this unworthy servant to be a suitable vessel for His work today!
After mass, Luciano invited me out to a nursing home for some "charity work." Initially, I didn't want to go (those new video games seemed like a mighty attractive time waster after mass...), but recalling all the praying and reading I had done in the afternoon, I decided that at the very least, the boredom I suffered would be of use to saving some soul in purgatory (even, perhaps, my own). So I went to Vernon Hills with Luciano to sing a few Patriotic songs (again) to some senior citizens.
Little moment of grace: I narrowly dodged a peanut allergy attack on the way to the nursing home. Luciano stopped at a local Jimmy John's for some soda and potato chips. Just as I was about to take one, I noticed an odd smell emanating from the bag. Turns out the chips are cooked in peanut oil! YIKES! Thank You Lord for letting me dodge that bullet!
The nursing home was surprisingly packed. It's quite the affluent neighborhood, and the residents have their own "tropical getaway" within the building itself. In all honesty, the building is more like a hotel than anything else. I'm glad they enjoyed the rather muffled singing amidst Luciano's piano-playing. I was actually complimented by the seniors afterward in what APPEARED to be more than a patronizing manner; still another teared up as we sang the Army Air Corps theme, as she recalled her husband raising the flag at Iwo Jima (!!!!). All good gifts come from heaven above, so I must not let such moments turn into some opportunity for Satan to strike more pride into my heart. God help me!
We concluded the evening with a late dinner at a local Italian place. Luciano was visibly and audibly tired. I hope he "catches some Z's" to get his voice back on track for tomorrow. I doubt we'll get the usual choir members to show up considering the holiday weekend! There's also the possibility of no servers for the 8:00AM mass, meaning I'll have to fill in. God, I trust in Your Son and His saving power! AMEN!
Anyway, in between the masses today, I went to Gamestop, spent $100 on new games (for which, I will gladly admit, I am somewhat...uncomfortable. Am I so attached to video games that my relationship with Christ and my vocation is suffering? I can't help but think that I had to drag out the debit card rather than choose between two games means that the answer to this question is "yes.") To top it off, I forgot to inquire about the item I actually wanted to get from the store in the first place. It slipped my mind once I saw the games on sale! UGH!
I felt far more at ease, however, on my way back. An elderly woman asked for my help with her groceries. At least I was of some use to someone after that hideously gluttonous spending spree!
As a way of reminding myself of the temporality of this world and the futility of expending all my wants and "needs" in things like video games, I spent some time in prayer and spiritual reading in the afternoon. I found this conversion story, which I promptly forwarded to a friend who, I am sure, will absolutely love it. I also read a bit about St. Benedict and his struggles with "worldly" things; I was particularly struck by his insistence that one be careful that daily sufferings and hardships are not purposely sought out to increase one's pride; oftentimes I feel that I have some "alterior motive" in my daily fasting (as much as one can consider it "fasting," anyway) that fits more into the mold of the vice of pride than the virtue of humility. I still need to learn the difference between the redemptive suffering as described in the essay I linked to above (and as described by St. Benedict, among many other holy men and women) and the ego-driven self-esteem boosters I often find myself engaging in. I ask for as much spiritual assistance as possible in this endeavor! Readers: Please spare me any extra prayers you have! I NEED THEM!
5:00PM mass was interesting; Barb, from St. Bart's, was the cantor, and I had to e the "emergency substitute" Extraordinary Minster of the Eucharist today. I think I successfully dodged any possible sacrilege, so here's hoping God found this unworthy servant to be a suitable vessel for His work today!
After mass, Luciano invited me out to a nursing home for some "charity work." Initially, I didn't want to go (those new video games seemed like a mighty attractive time waster after mass...), but recalling all the praying and reading I had done in the afternoon, I decided that at the very least, the boredom I suffered would be of use to saving some soul in purgatory (even, perhaps, my own). So I went to Vernon Hills with Luciano to sing a few Patriotic songs (again) to some senior citizens.
Little moment of grace: I narrowly dodged a peanut allergy attack on the way to the nursing home. Luciano stopped at a local Jimmy John's for some soda and potato chips. Just as I was about to take one, I noticed an odd smell emanating from the bag. Turns out the chips are cooked in peanut oil! YIKES! Thank You Lord for letting me dodge that bullet!
The nursing home was surprisingly packed. It's quite the affluent neighborhood, and the residents have their own "tropical getaway" within the building itself. In all honesty, the building is more like a hotel than anything else. I'm glad they enjoyed the rather muffled singing amidst Luciano's piano-playing. I was actually complimented by the seniors afterward in what APPEARED to be more than a patronizing manner; still another teared up as we sang the Army Air Corps theme, as she recalled her husband raising the flag at Iwo Jima (!!!!). All good gifts come from heaven above, so I must not let such moments turn into some opportunity for Satan to strike more pride into my heart. God help me!
We concluded the evening with a late dinner at a local Italian place. Luciano was visibly and audibly tired. I hope he "catches some Z's" to get his voice back on track for tomorrow. I doubt we'll get the usual choir members to show up considering the holiday weekend! There's also the possibility of no servers for the 8:00AM mass, meaning I'll have to fill in. God, I trust in Your Son and His saving power! AMEN!
Friday, July 3, 2009
Friday, July 3, 2009
First Friday adoration today! Two masses (I missed the readings for the first mass, so I went to the second one at 8:30AM) to discover that, yes, St. Benedict's was having First Friday adoration, and I stuck around for about a good hour.
Fairly uneventful day after that; I did my best to make the first Friday a very holy one. I ran a few errands for Ms. Marge and Krista at the school (as usual), and I did sort of "wimp out" of a bit of work in the afternoon, but I did some reading, some praying, and even a little video game-playing. By evening, I was helping Fr. Steve and his family with the packing-up and moving out (round 2!) to St. Alphonsus.
That turned out to be a very worthwhile affair. His parents, Frank and Judy, as well as his brother (whose name, alas, I never discovered, despite our chitchat about World of Warcraft and the like), were very warm and welcoming; they seemed very pleased to have me help out with the moving and were also more than tolerant of my table manners during dinner (Lou Malnati's pizza...mmmmmmmmmm). We also got to see the fireworks from downtown Chicago atop the rectory building; a newly-accepted Mundelein pre-theology student, Julio, joined us. Because of the way the pre-theology program works, he'll be ordained the same year I will be (God willing!), so I can say I met another classmate today, as well! God works in mysterious ways.
Dear Lord, keep me safe and always in Your care. Never let me stumble into the ways of Satan. I ask this through Christ, my Lord, through whom all good things come. AMEN!
Fairly uneventful day after that; I did my best to make the first Friday a very holy one. I ran a few errands for Ms. Marge and Krista at the school (as usual), and I did sort of "wimp out" of a bit of work in the afternoon, but I did some reading, some praying, and even a little video game-playing. By evening, I was helping Fr. Steve and his family with the packing-up and moving out (round 2!) to St. Alphonsus.
That turned out to be a very worthwhile affair. His parents, Frank and Judy, as well as his brother (whose name, alas, I never discovered, despite our chitchat about World of Warcraft and the like), were very warm and welcoming; they seemed very pleased to have me help out with the moving and were also more than tolerant of my table manners during dinner (Lou Malnati's pizza...mmmmmmmmmm). We also got to see the fireworks from downtown Chicago atop the rectory building; a newly-accepted Mundelein pre-theology student, Julio, joined us. Because of the way the pre-theology program works, he'll be ordained the same year I will be (God willing!), so I can say I met another classmate today, as well! God works in mysterious ways.
Dear Lord, keep me safe and always in Your care. Never let me stumble into the ways of Satan. I ask this through Christ, my Lord, through whom all good things come. AMEN!
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Well, today was interesting. Early mass (I finally woke up in time!), and Imanaged to make a quick phone call and deliver some mail for the good folks over at the school. Not bad for a morning's work, and I managed to check up with Fr. Steve to make sure that he was still ready and able to do some packing and moving to St. Alphonsus today.
I had lunch with one of my high school latin teachers and a fellow classmate; a jolly time was had by all, though I wish I could have said "hi" to the rest of the family, too. Oh well...prayers for all of them.
Speaking of prayers, I think I did a mighty fine job working on my spiritual life presentation for the seminarian retreat next week! Not even closed to finished, but it's a start that I'm glad I have. Too bad tomorrow is already Friday! After the brief Wednesday Six-flags getaway (I also did a few errands at the school and rectory that morning, as well), I'm not ready for the long weekend ahead! Yikes!
Fr. Steve's moving-in, moving-out meant that I had to do some MAJOR heavy lifting. I earned my dinner tonight, I'll say that. Enjoying some ice cream with Mike and Brad afterwards was a nice way of finishing off the day. I'll be praying for them as they get ready for the retreat as well!
I still can't believe it's been over 7 weeks at this internship now! I'm out by JULY 18! Truth be told, I'm not sure if I WANT to leave yet. I was already under the impression that I was finished by the end of July (not the middle of the month), and frankly, I think I'll keep it that way if possible. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. AMEN!
I had lunch with one of my high school latin teachers and a fellow classmate; a jolly time was had by all, though I wish I could have said "hi" to the rest of the family, too. Oh well...prayers for all of them.
Speaking of prayers, I think I did a mighty fine job working on my spiritual life presentation for the seminarian retreat next week! Not even closed to finished, but it's a start that I'm glad I have. Too bad tomorrow is already Friday! After the brief Wednesday Six-flags getaway (I also did a few errands at the school and rectory that morning, as well), I'm not ready for the long weekend ahead! Yikes!
Fr. Steve's moving-in, moving-out meant that I had to do some MAJOR heavy lifting. I earned my dinner tonight, I'll say that. Enjoying some ice cream with Mike and Brad afterwards was a nice way of finishing off the day. I'll be praying for them as they get ready for the retreat as well!
I still can't believe it's been over 7 weeks at this internship now! I'm out by JULY 18! Truth be told, I'm not sure if I WANT to leave yet. I was already under the impression that I was finished by the end of July (not the middle of the month), and frankly, I think I'll keep it that way if possible. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. AMEN!
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