Well, it was the usual Sunday, minus me actually serving a mass for a change. I gotta admit, I KINDA only did it because I didn't want to sing (we had a visiting choir member who just kinda...overshadowed me, I guess?) and with no servers in sight, I figured I might as well put that cassock and dirty surplus to good use. Oh, and it was used, all right: one of the buttons fell off when I was putting it away after mass, meaning that I'll have to bring it to the tailor's as well as the dry cleaners' now.
I had a good breakfast with Luciano, a nice chat with Deacon Phil, and a fairly prayerful afternoon. My initial dissatisfaction with Fr. Beaven's homily (using the gospel as an excuse to tell people to "relax" seems a bit farfetched, don't you?) reached its peak when Fr. Jim from St. Mary of the Lake giving a similar homily at the 6:30 RCYA mass; after struggling with scrupulosity all afternoon during prayer (should I or should I not go to Laboure House? Have I spent too much of the Lord's Day glorifying myself on Xbox LIVE rather than glorifying God? Should I write that e-mail, or should it wait?) well, I was about ready to wring the necks of both of them.
Then it hit me: I'm a spiritual "prayer-aholic." In my quest to make sure that I'm thoroughly detached from all worldly things, I've forgotten that some good ol' fashioned R&R is what's prescribed as part of the 3rd Commandment. Instead of saying an additional Divine Mercy Chaplet, I went over to the tabernacle and just...sat there. I think it's exactly what I needed.
Sometimes I think I take St. Paul's admonition to "stay sober and alert" to be an excuse to think I can "climb a spiritual stepladder of good deeds" to heaven. This is, obviously, contrary to Catholic teaching (and exactly the kind of false work-based soteriology that Protestants accuse Catholics of believing all the time). Bored as I am right now (it's just about 9:00 PM as I type this), it is, at the very least, a good thing if I've got time to spare, especially on a Sunday afternoon. All the more time to quietly and peacefully give to God the glory and the honor and the power he rightly and justly deserves. To Him, the only One who actually deserves to be identified with such magnanimous adjectives - To Him be honor, glory, and power forever and ever. AMEN! St. Benedict, ORA PRO NOBIS!
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I think thoughts like yours questioning ourselves about whether or not we are glorifying our God or ourselves pass through all of our minds each day! I think that we just need to pray to the Holy Spirit to calm the storms inside us, just as Jesus calmed the storm on the lake. I will be praying for you!:) P.S.- I think I'm a "spiritual prayer-aholic too!:)
ReplyDeleteI think in a certain sense, when we find ourselves becoming pray-aholics, we need to take time out of our business of prayer and relax, and perhaps those two exegesis' of Sunday's Gospel was God telling you that you do need to take some time out of your day for yourself, simply to relax. We do not need to be constantly praying, we can give glory to God in everything that we do, yes, but there has to be a balance between our prayer life and our "fun life" or human side, if you will. In Prayer Brother!
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